Isolation: Book 2 of The Quarantine Series Read online

  He said he wouldn’t do this to me anymore. That he’d respect my choices.

  A different type of panic takes hold.

  I gently push against his shoulders to create distance. Milo doesn’t budge or remove his hold. His green orbs penetrate into me. I know what he is thinking, and he knows that I know.

  No matter how much of a friend he is to me, the monster within him will always rule him, and he will always prevail. Milo’s patience has run out, and my number of allocated peaceful days has expired.

  “Rave, don’t push me away right now.” His voice sounds almost angry and cold. His breathing is ragged, and I can hear his heartbeat hammering away. I can feel him shaking for control.

  I don’t counter. I don’t push him away either. But when Milo presses another kiss on my neck, I speak up.

  “I can’t do this to him. It will kill him,” I respond automatically in a monotone voice.

  I hold my breath when I realize what I just voiced.

  I have made two monumental mistakes. I got immersed in our family drama and forgot my strategy to avoid him.

  Milo told me that he can’t control himself around me. By his own admission interaction with him only puts my safety in jeopardy, no matter the situation.

  The second mistake is bringing up Reid.

  Milo’s fingers on my waist flex into my skin to the point of pain, but I don’t make a single sound.

  “I just meant that he is my best friend,” I try to salvage the mistake.

  “That’s not what you said before,” Milo says, deceptively softly.

  “Nothing happened between Reid and I. But that doesn’t mean I want to hurt him like this. I’m here with you, trying to meet you halfway. Why can’t you just take the win?”

  “Because it’s not enough.” He presses a kiss on my cheek. “Part of you isn’t enough.” Another kiss on my jaw. “Nothing is ever enough with you.” Kiss on my ear. “I need all of you.”

  Milo’s lips move to my bottom lip. When he feels my whole body tense, he breaks the kiss to lean back and speculate.

  “Baby,” he presses, running his hands up and down my sides. “He already caught us together. Pushing me away just so you can be loyal to him will not change his mind.”

  Deep down, I am aware that Reid is out of my life. I knew he wouldn't forgive me after catching Milo and I together in that state. What happens with Milo now is inconsequential in terms of my friendship with Reid.

  But that's not why I am holding back.

  I like Milo, my friend.

  I am terrified and petrified of the other Milo that resides within him.

  I am not pushing him away because of Reid. I am pushing Milo away because of Milo.

  My eyes quickly flicker to the bedroom entranceway. If I can somehow get out of his hold, it will still take me about twenty seconds to make it there and exit the room. With Milo’s six-foot frame and long legs, it will take him half of that amount to catch me.

  Rejecting Milo is not a viable option. He told me that his anger is fueled by rejection.

  Alternately, I can yell for help and drag our families here. But I already know that I won’t do that. If I intended to tell them, I would have done it a long time ago. I can’t live with the repercussions of what it would do to them if they ever found out.

  I try to think of other excuses. The period excuse doesn’t work on Milo. It doesn’t bother him. He didn’t even care about my injuries, so migraine is out as well. And I am out of options.

  Milo kisses my cheek again and his lips land on my ear. He nibbles on my ear; his whole body vibrates as he holds on to me tightly. He is waiting for my “permission,” but even if I say no, Milo is still going to go through with this.

  I have two options since he is clearly not letting go of the hold he has on me.

  I can choose this on my own “free” will. Whether it be by force or by my choice, Milo can always provide me with oblivion, which might not be terrible given the current drama.

  Or I can refuse him and watch the man who has recently become a confidante turn into the monster I hate. Then I’ll have to drown in self-loathing afterward when I realize that he provided me with the same oblivion, but just against my will.

  At the very least, I can deceive my mind into thinking this is my choice to find my own oblivion. I rather be the one making this decision than have the decision be forced upon me.

  So, I choose the lesser of the two evils.

  Milo’s mouth moves from my ears back to my face. I have barely relaxed my shoulders when a pair of lips slam against mine, and a hand goes around my waist, pulling me to him.

  Milo’s hand lands in my hair, sifting through them roughly. He breaks the kiss and quickly walks over to shut the bedroom door.

  Less than ten seconds.

  That’s how long it takes him to close the door, come back, and collide his lips back on mine.

  I can barely breathe with his tongue exploring my mouth so greedily. He is kissing me like he hasn’t kissed me in years.

  Hurried.

  Urgent.

  Demanding.

  Milo shuffles my body backward and pushes me onto the bed. He kneels on the floor to slide my leggings down, coming back up to pull my shirt over my head.

  Milo leans in again to kiss me, letting me feel his erection pressed against my thigh.

  The panic comes back again. I can try to convince myself otherwise, but this isn’t my choice.

  Far from it.

  I am not in control in any way.

  Milo has fucked me more than once since I moved back. None of those times were my choice either, but somehow this is worse.

  He pretended to be my friend.

  He pretended to give me the façade of a choice, when in reality I have no rights.

  It’s a false truth. Oxymoron.

  Articles of clothing are flying everywhere till I am lying naked on the bed. Milo amplifies his kisses, his tongue exploring my mouth and his hands shaping my body. He licks his way down to my breast.

  His words surround me.

  “You are so beautiful.”

  “You taste so good.”

  “I missed this.”

  There is a shortness of breath in each sentence. A tremor resonating with the words. My own insides twist with each false syllable. Each letter. Each alphabet. It feels like a heavy slab of marble is sitting on top of my chest, making it hard to breathe.

  “Milo, stop,” I blurt out before I can block the words from tumbling out of my mouth.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper as I gasp for oxygen.

  Milo is frowning with a genuinely concerned look on his face. “Hey, it’s okay,” Milo lifts up and brushes the hair off my forehead. “What happened?”

  I can’t breathe. I should be able to. There is no scientific explanation for why I cannot.

  Yet, I can’t get the oxygen to go down my nostrils. And my throat is parched like a tree bark.

  Milo does not wear his heart on his sleeve or face, but right now he is staring at me with nothing but apprehension.

  “Rave, you are scaring me,” he kisses my temple. “Baby, talk to me. What’s going on? Do you want some water?”

  I frantically nod.

  I watch Milo move to the mini-fridge and grab a couple of water bottles. I didn’t realize it, but it looks like he has also undressed down to his boxers.

  Milo unscrews one of the water bottles and hands it to me. I feel his eyes on me as I chug all of it. He doesn’t say anything and watches me closely.

  “Raven, are you okay?” he asks again.

  I nod, averting his eyes. Milo rubs my back and leans in to give me a kiss on the cheek.

  I jerk back from the quick movement. “Stop,” I say it again.

  And he does. Again.

  “Umm… I-I am not in the mood.”

  “Did I do something?” he implores and strokes my cheek with the back of his hand.

  “No. I-I am just overwhelmed with everything going on around the house. I don’t think I can do anything physical with all this going on...” my voice trails off with bullshit excuses.

  Milo reaches over to kiss me. I am very aware that I am naked, but I can’t move or cover up. Dread builds for what I know is about to happen; Milo is going to pounce on me.

  But Milo bides his time kissing my temple, cheek, and jaw, before dropping his forehead on mine.

  Grabbing at the edge of the bedsheet, he suddenly pulls it up and covers my naked body with it.

  I don’t know what to say or think, so I just give him a confused look.

  “You are shivering,” he explains. “Come here.”

  He wraps the bedsheet around me tightly and collects me in his arms. Milo leans back on a pillow with me on his chest and kisses the top of my head.

  He catches my forearm in his hand to inspect the red marks I just made worse while I was absentmindedly pinching myself silly.

  He doesn’t ask or comment on it. Neither of us speaks as I lie on his chest in surprisingly comfortable silence.

  “What do you want to do tonight?” he looks down right as I peek up. He strokes my cheek with his thumb. “I know you are not in the mood, but I still want to do something.”

  I am speechless.

  I was never in the mood any of the other times either, but that never stopped him. Can a sexless Milo really exist? Am I really in the clear?

  “Umm… Netflix and chill?” I suggest sheepishly.

  Milo gives me a reassuring smile. “Sounds like a date.”

  “I hardly doubt that passes as a date,” I retort on impulse.

  “So, you will have to take me out on a real date then.” Milo raises an eyebrow and grins.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You said that hardly passes as a date. So, I assume you’ll take me out on a real date. I want to be wined and dined,” he smiles cockily.

  “I don’t think you understand how it works. Girls are supposed to be wined and dined.”

  “Okay.” Milo shrugs.

  “Okay, what?”

  He presses his lips on my temple. “I’ll take you out on a real date to wine and dine you.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  Milo grins again. “That’s what it sounded like to me.”

  My brows shoot up which just makes him laugh. Milo holds me tighter, careful not to make any sudden movements, and turns on the television.

  My dread starts to dissipate with each passing second.

  Right now, Milo feels like the man I used to know. The man who made me feel safe, not scared. The man who made me lunches, wrote me lunch notes, filled my empty heart. The man who takes care of me. This man almost seems real.

  Is it possible to ever get this man back without the nightmare man that follows?

  I don’t know. All I know is I want to preserve this man in my memory. I want to make every second count whenever I get this man back in my life.

  I lean on Milo’s broad chest, hug him tightly and breathe him in. He is surprised by my affectionate gesture and engulfs me into his body with both arms.

  And that’s exactly where I stay for the rest of the evening.

  -----------

  Milo

  Raven was terrified last night. I watched her with apprehension till I felt her body calm down. Afterward, she stayed complacent in my arms for hours.

  She later asked me to sleep in my room, citing respect for our parents as the reason.

  However, I know better. She doesn't want me to hear her nightmares. I have heard her scream in her sleep… asking me to stop.

  I thought enough time had passed, but Raven is still terrified of me. I have no idea of the depth of her emotional scars which means she might never be okay.

  I thought she only freaked out if I forced her. Now it’s likely that she will always react to just the threat of getting physical with me.

  These reactions might be permanent. I have to find a way to make her feel safe again in my presence.

  Raven’s well-being has finally trumped my selfishness.

  With that resolve, I open the door to Raven’s room.

  “I have a surprise,” I announce. I pull out Raven’s favorite candy bar from the kraft bag I brought along with me. I lay the bar on Raven’s side table and set the small bag on the floor.

  Raven is sitting on her bed and packing one of the custom outfits she recently finished.

  “You’re pregnant?” Raven quirks an eyebrow as she grabs the candy bar.

  I smile at that. Raven’s sense of humor is back with full force. I’ve really missed this part of her.

  I can’t put my finger to it but something has been different between us since last night. The moment I stopped after Raven asked me to, something changed for her.

  “You’re funny.” I plop down on the bed next to her.

  “I didn’t want to say anything, but you have been putting on some weight lately, especially around the midsection,” Raven gestures around her stomach. “Most people don’t show till the second trimester. Just saying!”

  “So now you are the one body shaming me?”

  “Would you rather that I lie?” she deadpans.

  I grab the hem of my sweater and pull it up to my chest. “Could you please identify the parts that dissatisfy you? I'll start working on it.”

  Raven flushes at my naked torso. She is turning fucking crimson.

  I was just kidding, but I might never pull this sweater down if she keeps giving me that reaction.

  “Umm…” Raven looks down with a shy smile instead of responding. “Umm…”

  She can’t even make eye contact. Fuck. Me. If this is not the hottest thing I have ever seen.

  I put her out of her misery and lower my sweater.

  “I’ll start my diet tomorrow. It’s called the two-finger diet,” I fake gag with two fingers in my mouth. “Double the taste, zero the calories.”

  “Ew. You are so gross,” she throws me a fake disgusted look.

  “So, ready for your surprise?” I ask again.

  “Are you having twins?”

  “Yes, and they are yours,” I deadpan.

  “You are just saying that to get me to pay you child alimony,” she retorts.

  “Hell yeah, I am. I will show up at your door for my monthly checks.”

  “So, you are pregnant?” Raven smiles excitedly.

  “You get that out of your system?”

  “Naaah,” Raven drawls, “I think I have a few more in me. Are you going to breastfeed?”

  “Stop,” I roll my eyes. “Are you ready to do something fun? Want to go for a walk?”

  “Wow, a walk,” she pulls out a mocking tone. “Someone call the party police.”

  “Okay, Mrs. Sarcasma, do you want to go or not?”

  “Duh,” she sighs. “But I need to take a shower and get changed first.”

  “I’ll wait for you.” I give her a nod as she slowly gets up.

  While Raven showers, I shoot Reid another text. Reid left a few weeks ago. He sent exactly one email to our parents to let them know that he is fine.

  No other contact other than that.

  Reid has been absent from the family before for long stretches of time, so my parents aren’t overly concerned. However, I am worried.

  I have tried every medium to reach him.

  What would I even say if I did get in touch with him?

  I don’t want him coming back here. I can’t deal with Reid being in the same room, the same house, or even the same planet as Raven.

  After Raven fell down the stairs, Reid came by Raven’s room to check on her, only to find her sleeping on my chest. He stayed at the house long enough to ensure she was conscious.

  Past that, I don’t think he could deal with seeing us together.

  I am aware of how much of a dipshit I was to him. I pushed him too far. I don’t know what his mental state is like. He hasn’t used his phone or any of his credit cards since he left.

  It’s a mindfuck.

  I want my brother, Reid, to be alright.

  I also plan to murder Raven’s new romantic interest, Reid.

  Giving up, I park my butt on Raven’s desk. I try to fidget with my phone, but I am really staring at that bathroom door.

  I am anxious and nervous, all mixed into one.

  When I hear the bathroom door creak open, I straighten. As soon as I see Raven, I do a double take. My eyes widen and my mouth goes dry.