Isolation: Book 2 of The Quarantine Series Page 23

  Milo leans in further to inhale deeply, as if he is trying to inhale my soul, before lifting me up on the table directly behind me.

  As a last resort, I start flailing my limbs to hit him and ward him off.

  “Don’t baby,” he whispers. “You didn’t fight last night. Don’t start fighting me again.”

  “Milo, please stop—”

  “I need to touch you.”

  “You mean you want to touch me? You are so selfish—”

  “No, Rave. It’s not only that I want you. It’s always a need with you. I can’t even breathe till I touch you. Don’t you remember last night? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since I woke up. Why would you start to fight me again if you already gave in last night?”

  “I was drunk, you asshole.”

  I bat his hand away, but a large hand on my stomach pushes me down to lie flat back on the hard surface.

  His hands grab my thighs, pulling my hip forward till my back hits the desk, which is when I see Milo sitting down on a chair between my spread legs.

  “I bet I can make you scream just as loud when you are sober too.”

  Right as he slides my thong down my legs and his tongue hits my cunt, doors start to creak. My eyes widen when I hear Alexa and Brandon’s unmistakable voices.

  Before I was worried about not being able to reach them. Now, the thought of Alexa and Brandon barging in to find this scene is more abhorrent.

  I lift my head to look at Milo who lifts his own lids to meet my eyes, all the while finding the spot that will unravel me.

  Milo ignores the distraction, slides two fingers inside me, and presses his tongue down. I struggle in his grip, shaking my head at him to communicate not to do this in front of them.

  “Don’t hold back,” he mumbles against my pussy. “You’re giving me that orgasm. Don’t worry about them. I could fuck you in front of the world, and you’d still come every time.”

  His fingers seek out my G spot. I try to muffle my sounds by pressing both of my hands down on my mouth. My toes curl, and I clench my limbs to find a semblance of control to restrain the moan that threatens to rip through me.

  The moment I hear the front door shut and their voices disappear, I let go without a second’s delay.

  “Oh, God. Oh, fuck! Shit! Oh shit,” I start cursing every profanity when a climax like no other takes over. No real words can describe my out-of-body experience.

  I keep moaning like a wild animal till I find Milo’s face hovering over mine.

  “That was actually louder than last night.” He kisses my lips and grabs my shoulders.

  Just like that, the roaring in my ears recedes to be replaced with a familiar humiliation.

  I was forced to bend to another despicable moment, but my mind has not been forced to feel okay about it. I will never have a say over these reactions, and he will never stop forcing me into this.

  There truly is no escaping him, or from myself.

  I want to float out of my body before that reality settles in. I want to disappear into thin air and distance myself from this experience.

  That is probably the reason why I hardly feel it when Milo pulls me up from the table and pushes my front against the adjacent wall.

  The palm that’s on the back of my neck, holding my face against the cold surface, only slightly registers.

  I barely jerk when my dress is lifted to display my naked ass and his cock shoves deep inside me in a single thrust.

  My brain is hazy. All the same, I hear words floating all around me.

  “Fuck,” there is a groan in my ear. “You were made for me.”

  “I love it when your pussy squeezes me this tightly.”

  “You are perfect.”

  “You belong to me.”

  My body is further shoved against the wall as he pounds into me. I hear the low roaring of my name floating around my ears, and feel a heavy mass collapsed against my back.

  I stare straight into the white abyss in front of me and try to remember where I am. I blink to clear the fog to grasp my surroundings, but I can’t.

  Instead, I focus on controlling my breaths. I can’t control that either, but I hear his shuddered breaths.

  The hair is pushed off my bare shoulders. Little kisses are placed between my shoulder blades, on the back of my neck, my ears. A hand covers my chest, fingers massaging my breasts.

  Words are coming from everywhere.

  “There is no one else like you in this entire world.”

  My heart is POUNDING like it’s about to burst out of my chest.

  “I can’t live without you.”

  I am sweating profusely, drenched in my own perspiration.

  “Raven?”

  My insides are trembling. Shaking.

  “Baby?”

  And I know, I just know I am losing my shit again.

  “Hey. What’s going on with you?”

  I feel the hair stroking before the room spins. An arm comes around my waist to hold up my body which is otherwise ready to slide down the cool surface against my naked back.

  Gentle shake. “Shit. I wasn’t trying to… I shouldn’t have lost control like that.”

  Something must be wrong because his voice is starting to sound as panicked as I feel.

  “Raven? You are freaking me out. Can you please talk to me?”

  I try to respond, but it doesn’t work, so I decide to conserve my energy instead.

  My blurry eyes finally focus to find Milo wrapping me into a cocoon with his sweater.

  -----------

  Milo

  This is the worst night of my life.

  Raven is shaking. She is completely unresponsive, and she is looking at me like I am her enemy.

  Like she hates me.

  I never want her to look at me this way again.

  She stopped fighting me midway through and watched me blankly with contempt. It was like watching the life being sucked out of her.

  Fuck. I even taunted her for climaxing.

  As quickly as I can, I wrap Raven in my sweater and lift her in my arms to carry her up the stairs to the main house, and then up the stairs to her room.

  Luckily, I don’t run into anyone as everyone else is presumably outside for the barbecue.

  I lay her down on the bed and exchange her shredded dress for something unmarred.

  “Baby,” I try one more time. “Talk to me.”

  Raven remains a mute and closes her eyes, as if she doesn't want to believe what she is seeing is real.

  Pulling the covers over her, I stroke her hair till her breathing evens out.

  I put my head in between my knees. What the fuck was that? What did I do to her?

  I promised myself I wouldn’t do this shit anymore. Even after all these years, I have zero self-control when it comes to this girl.

  I am a fucking junkie.

  I stayed away from my drug of choice, only to fall off the wagon. I just got used to a regular dose, and I couldn’t deal with the withdrawal again.

  Is it possible to loathe your own actions, yet be unable to stop?

  Is that what drug addicts think? They give into temptation and then drown in self-loathing?

  If that’s true, then I get why junkies keep looking for their next high. Withdrawal is an insufferable bitch. Nothing in life gets better or comes into focus until you take another hit.

  I’d sacrifice anything for another hit. And I did. I sacrificed the person I used to be. My morals. My brother. Myself. My very soul. There are no regrets. All of it is worth it for another dose of her.

  But now, it feels like I am sacrificing her. Every hit comes at a price. The aftereffect on her is grueling.

  I can’t break my addiction, but my addiction sure is breaking her.

  This has to stop.

  It has to for Raven’s sake.

  I have to find an alternative where I don’t lose myself or lose her. Then I wouldn’t have to be this person to her, and I don’t have to live this life without her.

  I have to fix this.

  CHAPTER 12

  Present

  -----------

  Milo

  Raven was always an over-analytical kid. Spacey. Dreamy. Creative. But when that incident happened, it's like she spaced out to go into a different world that she created for herself inside her own mind to escape her harsh reality. The harsh reality that I created.

  My craving for a physical relationship stems from my need to solidify that she loves me. Her love that is like a drug. Better than drugs.

  Our physical connection is the only thing that provides me with proof of Raven’s feelings for me.

  But that need of mine has the exact opposite effect on her. It makes her believe that I don't love her.

  Just like how Raven silently loves unconditionally, she also silently stands up for herself.

  She might not have hated me all of these years. She might not have turned me in. But she also refused to put herself in that position again.

  Raven used to tell me, people treat you the way you let them treat you.

  Raven didn’t like the way I treated her so she took herself out of the situation without harming me.

  I fear that our last conversation is now instilling the same thought process in her.

  If she can’t identify a reason to justify my actions, then there is no way for her to accept our newly developing relationship. Worse yet, there is no guarantee for her that it won’t happen again.

  The threat of me morphing into the other guy will always remain for her, as will the fear.

  Our past is shaping our future in the worst way possible. I have already seen the changes in her. Lack of sleep. Lack of eating. Lack of engagement.

  Oftentimes I find her lying around in her bed, looking very much like Tessa. The sight gives me a shudder all the way down to my system.

  While Raven doesn’t post on social media, Reid does. Looking at their photos over the last couple of years, I can't help but notice that she is happy. No dark circles. Healthy weight.

  Raven makes everything in my life better through her actions, while Reid is the one who makes everything better for her in her life, not me.

  And if I can’t do that for her… the worst thoughts keep coming to my mind. Thoughts that should not exist in my brain. Thoughts like, perhaps it's better if I let her go than watch her get destroyed.

  Our only communication exchange since yesterday has been through texts, all of which keeps reminding of the same appalling thought.

  Milo: Hey baby.

  Rave: Hey you.

  Milo: Are you feeling any better today?

  Rave: Somewhat.

  Milo: Do you want to go on a hike later?

  Rave: Not today.

  Milo: Have you eaten yet?

  Rave: Not that hungry tbh. Hope you are having a good day at work.

  Milo: I am. How about you? I haven’t seen you in the study today.

  Rave: I put a pause on the website.

  Milo: Why?

  Rave: I am just not feeling up to it.

  Milo: Oh okay.

  -----------

  Raven

  I see Mia through my open bedroom door. She is charging towards my room with purpose. I get up from the bed as soon as she steps inside.

  “Hey,” I gravitate towards her.

  Mia doesn't respond. Instead, she closes the door and pulls me into a hug. It takes me a full second to register that Mia is hugging me.

  I am so caught off guard by her sudden affection that I drop my phone on the rug.

  Mia has been cloistered in Tessa’s room for weeks to make sure that Tessa doesn’t do anything drastic.

  Milo finally convinced Tessa to get back on her medication. Milo and I haven’t spoken much since yesterday so I don’t know how he managed to do it, but I am sure Mia is the one who feels the biggest weight lifted off her chest.

  For this celebratory milestone, we are having a family dinner. I put a dress on for the occassion and was just lying around till dinner time when Mia barged in.

  I hug her back tightly. “Mia, is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I have just been so worried about you,” she whispers, refusing to let me go.

  I am feeling a little under the weather today so I have been lying around on the bed. But I am not sure if it deserves Mia's current reaction.

  I hold her at arm's length, before bending down to grab my phone from where it dropped. “Mia, I am fine.”

  “I know,” Mia says through a broken smile, but she can't keep it up. She lets out a sob which turns into full-on tears and cries.

  “Mia!” I exclaim. I can't remember the last time she cried. "What's wrong?"

  This has to be more than her concern over my health. Is this about college or moving out? No. Mia has no problem in that arena. She wants to leave this house. What other kinds of drama do teenagers have? Boys? This could be about her boyfriend.

  “Is everything okay with Chris?” I try again when she doesn't explain.

  “Yeah,” Mia slowly wipes her tears and composes herself. "This is not about him."

  There is one more person I can think of. Mia used to have a crush on Brandon. She'd run up to him and tell him that she was going to marry him.

  Milo's face might have been comical at the time, but this situation is not.

  “Is this about someone else then?” I nervously hint.

  My stomach drops at Mia's unsure look. She was nine when she had a crush on Brandon. He is almost ten years older than her.

  If he encouraged her in any way, I will chop off his balls and bury them in the backyard. But Milo will probably beat me to it.

  Then a darker thought crosses my mind. Everyone assumed I had a crush on Milo, while he was the one who harbored a fascination for me.

  What if history were to repeat itself?

  That’s ridiculous.

  I am being paranoid due to my own experiences and my last exchange with Milo. That would never happen to Mia. She has a happy and normal life.

  “Mia,” I try to smile but fail. “Please put me out of my misery. What's going on?”

  “I wanted to ask you that. How's everything with you?”

  I give her a confused look. “I told you, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me.”

  “How is everything with Milo?” she asks more pointedly.

  In the shuffle of it, we haven't had the chance to discuss my impromptu tumble with Milo and Reid's unprecedented reaction afterward.

  I have barely seen Mia over the last few weeks, so we put a pin on it all. I knew we'd have to talk about the whole Milo debacle sometime.

  “Mia,” I hesitate. “Do you want to talk about what's going on between Milo and me?”

  Mia gently places one hand on my arm. “Rave, do you want to talk about what's going on between Milo and you?”

  Mia's sobs have subsided. She is staring at me but giving nothing away with her facial expressions. I have no idea what she is thinking.

  “S-sure, if you want me to. What would you like to know?”

  “Whatever you are ready to share,” Mia whispers.

  I don't respond but give her another quizzical look. I am not sure what Mia is insinuating, but her tone is keeping me rooted in place. There is a tingly feeling in the back of my brain.

  “I'm sorry I didn't speak out about my concerns sooner. I was so worried about Mom that my brain sidetracked. I also realized that we… we are in a difficult situation. We don't have a choice but to live together right now. So, I wasn't sure if saying anything would be helpful. I saw you guys have been hanging out. I didn't really know how to take it and I didn’t think it was my place to say anything. I just had some suspicions but then I overheard you and Milo yesterday. I had to say something before I lost my nerve.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask cautiously.

  “Rave,” Mia speaks slowly. “I love Milo. He is not only my brother, but he is also the only parent I have ever known. I love you too. You are my sister. But I can't understand why you are putting yourself in danger by hanging out with him instead of avoiding him?”

  Mia's gaze is steady but sympathetic. She is staring at me with glossy eyes that are ready to start the floodgates once more. She is looking at me with… sadness. Immense sadness.

  Mia knows.

  I have no idea of what exactly she knows, but she's aware of our twisted relationship to some extent.

  Like always, Mia has figured something out. She is one of the most emotionally intelligent people I have ever met. She comes off as tough, but in reality, she is extremely intuitive.

  And right now, she is gearing up to something that I'm not ready to acknowledge.