Isolation: Book 2 of The Quarantine Series Page 7

  Having a terrace in New York is a treat. The condo has a large terrace with a beautiful view overlooking the city. Short of the excellent view, the high-end building, and location, my place is nothing fancy.

  I travel a lot for work; promoting the app from city to city, meeting with investors and investment bankers alike. I seldom come back to New York.

  In fact, this is the longest I have been in New York in years. When I come back, my parents and Mia insist that I stay with them. So, I never decorated this place.

  However, I did come here earlier today to set something up.

  “Why are we here?” Raven asks quietly. Her body language is changing. I know what she is worried about, but that’s not why I brought her here.

  This outing is triggered by an incident that took place days after Tessa’s downward spiral. I have been concerned about Raven ever since.

  I am determined to find a way for us to live amicably at that house. I am not capable of leaving Raven alone, so we have to find a middle ground, some sort of compromise.

  I think Raven has come to the same realization.

  I move to the terrace door and open it, motioning for her to go outside. Raven walks out, and her gaze lands on the table in front of us. There is a small table on the terrace, with a dinner set for two.

  “Do you remember that fusion restaurant we went to when you were younger?”

  Raven scrunches her face. “Vaguely. We went to lots of restaurants when I was younger.”

  “Yes, but you should remember this one in particular,” I raise an eyebrow. “You waited for months for the reservation. You wanted to try all the desserts because a world-renowned pastry chef was making a guest appearance. But the wait time for dessert was ridiculous. Mia, Reid, and I were not in the mood to wait, so we left. You looked like you were ready to kill all of us.”

  “I remember,” Raven smiles sadly at the memory. “I was so annoyed at you guys. I can’t believe you couldn’t wait for ten minutes for dessert.”

  I start laughing at Raven’s version of the story. “Umm… I think you remember it incorrectly. It was more like a forty-five-minute wait for dessert.”

  “Whatever!” She rolls her eyes but finally cracks a warm smile.

  “Well! We happen to have a meal made up of desserts prepared by that same pastry chef.”

  “What?” Raven blinks.

  “The chef from that restaurant. He lives in New York now. I contacted him and asked him if he could prepare some pastries for us. He is not currently working, so he didn’t refuse the offer. I had someone pick up the desserts from his house and drop it off here.”

  She looks back and forth between the table and then at me.

  “I know you would much rather eat desserts than a real meal,” I try to tease when Raven doesn’t say anything.

  “What are you doing?” she finally mumbles.

  Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. “Rave, this is just a gesture. I was hoping it would make you happy.”

  Raven doesn’t respond. She doesn’t look angry, nor does she look happy. Her face is completely neutral. Raven finally breaks the awkward silence.

  “You must understand why this gesture makes me uncomfortable,” she motions towards the table. “You are doing this so I’d go along with the fabrication you told our families about us being together,” Raven speaks in a shockingly honest and direct voice. “This gesture is an exchange for something you want, but that defeats the purpose. A gesture should be unconditional; no strings attached. This has strings attached. This is a tainted effort.”

  “You are half correct. I told our parents my truth. They made their own assumptions about our relationship.”

  Ever since the focus has shifted to Tessa, Raven hasn’t bothered to correct or address our relationship, nor has anyone asked us about it. There are currently more pressing matters at the house.

  “This is a gesture to make you happy, but I also wanted to give you the opportunity to speak openly. I was hoping you’d feel comfortable if we were away from the family drama.”

  “What would you like to talk about?” Raven’s voice remains apprehensive.

  I get it. She has no reason to trust me. But if I make my case using logic, I know she will understand. Logic has always resonated with her.

  “Look, Rave. We have to live in close quarters for the time being. I don’t want us to be miserable the whole time. And after that incident the other night, it’s pretty clear that we have to find a middle ground. Moving forward, I want things to be different between us.”

  “How so?”

  “I can make an effort to change to make you comfort—”

  “You can’t change,” Raven states it as finality in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

  “Of course, I can—”

  “You can’t,” she cuts me off again. “You might have changed in superficial terms. Your moods are different. You are less approachable. But fundamentally, you are still the same person.”

  I almost smile, but control myself. Raven is smart, and she has been observing me to find a way to either coexist or fight me off.

  I am not sure which one she is leaning towards.

  “As humans, we don’t change,” she continues. “Not truly. We are nothing but a sum of our nature and nurture. We can both admit that the nurture aspect has failed us miserably, leading to the two fucked up human beings standing here,” Raven motions her hand between us.

  Raven sounds patient, like she is trying to explain something simple to a very difficult child.

  “As for nature, our neurotransmitters dictate our personalities. If you have a high dopamine level, then you are likely an energetic person. If you have low serotonin levels, then not so much. These inherent, biological aspects make up our foundation. We can’t change the neurotransmitters signaling off to our brains. At best, we can use medication, chemicals, and behavioral therapy to suppress what we truly are. So, you see Milo. You can’t change.”

  I once told Raven that the man she ends up with will never win an argument. I could laugh at that irony, but that doesn’t mean I’ll back down without a fight.

  “According to your assessment, I can’t change who I truly am, correct?” I tilt my head at Raven, waiting for her confirmation.

  Hazel eyes meet mine as they pierce into my non-existent soul. She slowly nods, as if wondering where I am going with this.

  “But have you considered that maybe who I truly am is the person you grew up with? Maybe the person I have become over the last few years is the person I became due to extenuating circumstances?” I motion my head towards her to indicate she is my extenuating circumstance. "Maybe my true personality is being momentarily suppressed.”

  To be honest, I have no idea if I am still that old sap, but I have been searching for an option for us. One where I don’t have to lose her, nor do I have to break her to keep her.

  I will be whoever she needs me to be for that alternate option.

  “Or maybe this is who you were all along,” Raven argues. “Maybe your true colors came out due to extenuating circumstances. Why should I risk myself to find out who you are?”

  “Because you don’t have any other options right now,” I remind her of the truth of her situation. “Also, because you are the only person who understands me like no one else. So, determine for yourself who I truly am and if I am the right person for you. Somewhere deep down, you know that our connection deserves a chance to at least be explored.”

  Raven scoffs and shakes her head in disbelief. “Being perceptive in general and being the right person for you are two very different things. I can be observant, but don’t confuse my demeanor for a profound understanding of you or some sort of amazing connection between us. We haven’t even known each other for years.”

  “You just said that people don’t change. Even if we haven’t been around each other, fundamentally we are still the same. We know each other’s habits, preferences and values. Give me a chance to prove that I can be different,” I fix her with a determined look.

  Yes, I haven’t exactly been controlling myself since she moved back. But that was before I saw the dreaded after-effects. I know that moving forward things have to be different between us.

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean,” Raven mumbles in a sincerely pain-stricken voice. “If you try to be an imaginary person for me, it will make this unbearable situation worse when you lose your shit again. I don’t need false promises. I just want to understand the problem I am dealing with, so I can come up with a solution that works for myself.”

  She is right. I shouldn’t lie to her or to myself, just to put her through hell. She wouldn’t be able to deal with it, and I can’t watch her break. Raven deserves to know what she is in for.

  “Rejection,” I sum it up in one word.

  “Sorry?” Raven frowns.

  “I can’t deal with your rejection.”

  “Yes, Milo. I am very aware that you don’t like rejection. That’s not what I meant—”

  “No, Rave,” I interrupt. “I am immune to rejection. I have dealt with it all my life. From my family members. From investors at work. Rejection is an opportunity for feedback and growth. It doesn’t bother me. I’d like to specify; I can’t deal with your rejection.”

  Raven’s cheeks flush. She is angry, but she is trying to push it down. “That sounds like an excuse. You can’t say that and expect me to move past it.”

  “You put me through hell for four years. Wasn’t that enough to move past it?”

  “Clearly not, because nothing has changed,” Raven’s voice reflects the anger bubbling inside both of us. “You did the exact same shit the moment I walked back into your life.”

  “I snapped, Rave. It’s like I have no control around you—”

  “You do have control,” Raven clenches her teeth. “You stopped. We hadn’t seen each other in years. You didn’t come near me—”

  “Only because I had hope that you’d come back to me,” I ferociously argue.

  “If you have hope, then why the hell did you pull the same shit?”

  “I had hope,” I close my eyes to calm the anger pulsing in my veins. “Past tense. That was before I found out how he felt about you. When I found out about him, all hope vanished.”

  “That gives you the right to do what you did?” Raven fumes. Her angry face lifts up to meet mine. “Because of that, I should forgive you for your heinous actions?”

  My own anger is quickly getting the best of me, and my words are all laced with malice.

  “Forgiveness?” I ask her in mock surprise. “I am not begging for your forgiveness, Rave. We are past that now. You have already taken your revenge. You agreed to be in a relationship with my fucking brother even though you knew how I felt about you.”

  We both stop talking after that.

  Complete silence.

  Raven looks taken back, shocked… and scared. The last time this topic came up, it did not end well. I still charge forward to eat up the distance between us.

  “You could’ve taken your revenge the way society and law allows you to,” I growl. “You could have thrown me in jail or told our families. I would have accepted either of those and still been a happier man. But you did the one thing that cut me the deepest. So, congrats Rave. You got me back. Are we even now?”

  Guilt flashes in Raven’s eyes for a change because she knows that I am right.

  I waited four years, hoping Raven would come back to me. I was impatient, but I made myself understand that Raven needed time. I convinced myself because she dangled hope in my face in the form of a possibility between us.

  But Raven burnt all of that down. She did the worst thing possible. I put my life on hold while she planned to move on with him.

  Do I believe it’s love between those two?

  For Reid, yes.

  For Raven, it’s codependency.

  Their codependency is the bane of my existence, but it’s also a crutch for them.

  Reid can twist her arm into a relationship because The risk of losing their friendship for good is a huge threat to Raven. And all of it is a huge threat to my sanity.

  “Milo,” she says quietly, “nothing happened with Reid. I already told you that. He wanted more. All I did was tell him that I would consider it.”

  “But, you did consider it?” My jaw shuts tight at her renewed admission.

  “I did,” Raven admits.

  “Can you see how your actions might not inspire trust?” I frothily ask. My anger is now in full swing. “You dangled a carrot in front of my face for years, only to tell me that you are now interested in my brother. I made a colossal mistake. I should have made you swear on Mia that if I stayed away, you’d give us another chance because that seems to be the only way to trust you. I have done many things Raven, but I don’t intentionally lie to you.”

  It's true. Raven doesn’t lie if she swears on Mia. She once gave me her word, by swearing on Mia, to finish her school project within the night.

  She accidentally fell asleep, and the next day Mia broke out with a fever of a hundred and four.

  Raven lost her shit.

  Raven is not religious, but she can be somewhat superstitious. Since that little incident, Raven is painfully paranoid about swearing anything on Mia. And if she does, it’s only because it’s the absolute truth.

  Swearing on Mia was the threat she used to keep me at bay for all of these years.

  Nonetheless, this conversation is not going well. I want to find a solution. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath in an attempt to reel in my temper.

  “Look, Rave, I am weak when it comes to you, and you know it. Yet, all you do is taunt and egg me on. I feel crazy fucking possessive over you. I realize that you don’t think I have any right to feel this way, yet that’s how I feel. It was bad before you left, now I can’t even tolerate it. Have you ever considered that I didn’t lie to you about my feelings, and in fact, these things are difficult for me to endure?”

  Raven looks like she has no idea how to react to my declarations. I didn’t even tell her the worst of it; my recurrent fantasy to tattoo MINE somewhere on her body, preferably her forehead.

  She has no idea of the extent of my unhealthy obsession.

  “I am not trying to egg you on,” she mutters.

  I try to use a gentler tone as well to help salvage what I can of this conversation. “Then why work so hard to reject me? Why increase my misery? And why agree to date my fucking brother?”

  Raven looks down at her interlaced hands in front of her.

  “Look, my life came to a standstill the day...” Raven’s voice wavers, and she looks away. “Actually, it doesn’t matter. I was not trying to increase your misery, Milo. I just wanted to move forward with my own life. Reid gave me hope for happiness.”

  “I can make you happy,” I counter under my breath. “I can give you anything you want to help you get there. I understand if you need more time to move forward. We can start by being friends. I’ll do whatever it takes—”

  “I want you to help my parents,” Raven blurts out.

  Not exactly what I was expecting to hear.

  “Okaaay,” I start unsurely. “I am happy to. What would you like me to do for them?”

  “My parents are financially struggling, and they have nowhere to go. I need assurance that you are not going to kick them out of the house or threaten their accommodation in any way, no matter how things go down between us.”

  I don’t miss a beat. “Done.”

  As usual, leave it to Raven to ask for something for someone else, and not for herself.

  “I promise not to threaten their accommodation. It will remain as is.”

  I am very aware of their financial challenges. Uncle John gave up his medical license and moved to Paris. Soon after his move, Theressa’s business started suffering.

  I invested some of my trust fund money to keep her business going. In reality, it was an investment in Raven’s talent. Raven wanted to work with Theressa, and I was confident that Raven could turn the business around once she completed her degree.

  However, Theressa and Uncle John declared bankruptcy before all of that could happen. They spent their life savings and had sunk too far into debt to recover. Once Theressa’s company shut down, Raven came back to New York to pursue her own career.

  Dad asked both of her parents to return to America as well and move in with us until they figure it out.

  There is no way Theressa could live a non-glamour life at a camp in Africa, and Uncle John cannot practice in America anymore.

  I hate that Raven is worried about me kicking them out on the streets. I would never do that, but I am not going to argue if in exchange she agrees to an amicable understanding.